Shot Me Down (Ramblings of a conflicted heart)
Got me wishing I could weather this storm.
And simply move on.
But now I’m feeling worse than ever with things that I’ve done.
A lot of self-loathing, shit I wish I could run.
Instead of sitting here drinking and smoking hoping to be undone.
I mean shit.
It should be so simple….fuck that shit.
I was only after the pussy,
That chick didn’t mean shit, so why the hell am I tweakin?
But what can I do when all my thoughts aren’t true.
And I could never truly walk away from you..
But now we both stray.
And I’m taking it day by day.
Trying to find my silver lining, like I’m Chris Rock.
But when I can’t find it I get pissed off.
It’s like I’m hesitant to really move on?
Have I really been hypnotized by your wishy washy charm?
But naw it ain’t like that, I guess you could call it love.
Addicted to presence, like fiends on a drug.
Shit, spark that piece.
Pass that light.
I need to leave this shit alone so I don’t die.
And have a lot of people who I wouldn’t guess cry.
Maybe that’s a little bit dramatic,
But a nigga feel like I missed out on some magic.
But fuck it!
Still dealing with shit,
like how the hell did this bitch?!
But at the end of the day.
I mean what more can I say?
You were never really mine so that makes it okay.
But in the depths of my heart this shit will eat me away.
Which is why we seperated,
shit I wish I could stay…shit..
In order for us to make it you know we need a delay.
We were never meant to be,
just have decent chemistry.
But you can never build a solid foundation with the way you were to me.
I mean, shit’s cool tho.
At that time I would gladly play the fool yo.
Because my ignorance was greater than loneliness.
Which now I realize was the only reason you exist..
Moth to a Flame.
Stunning and pure.
These flames glow with a warmth.
I yearn for more.
Flying closely dancing with the heat.
Knowing exactly the way the flame speaks.
Flickering shadows on the walls of my heart.
Crafting beautiful images within my darkness.
Melting my insides and leaving me heartless.
Thought I was safe in an embrace of that heat.
Not knowing that this attraction was just a distraction.
Blinding me from the facts.
That my body was being consumed in an act.
Similar to the way a moth is drawn to a flame.
Except my flame had a name.
And hands that held my hopeless heart.
But a flame is just flame.
And can’t be tamed.
So is the tale of my moth to her flame.
Chocolate coated kisses,
From a mysterious mistress.
Used to get me so high,
But I’ve lost my supply.
Cope with urges that are unspoken.
But I’m yearning for the things you do.
And all the things I’d do to you.
But I guess,
This is best.
Seeing as I have an addiction,
That can’t be healed with a simple prescription.
To that caramel waist.
And those lips like honey,
I still think about the taste.
Everyday and every morning.
Keep me so high, yeah you get me so high.
You’re kinda like my drug and I need my high.
You get me so High, Yeah you get me so High.
Yearning for your touch, can’t I be your guy?
I once was swallowed up by the sky.
Tossed into a world with eyes for skies.
Caught within it’s gaze,
I floated in these skies for days.
After day four, my eye caught the sky.
I saw a silhouette of myself within this eye.
My image was distorted and I didn’t know why.
Until I saw the eyes in the sky begin to cry.
Raining tears of deep dark fears,
upon my humble frame.
These tears began to weigh me down and I began to sink.
As I gasped for air, I started to drink.
Swallowing all thoughts into my being.
I could feel my fears growing inside of me.
Slowly overwhelming me and weighing on my heart.
I began to lose consciousness and just when I thought it was from this world I would soon depart.
I awoke on a beach with mountains of white sand.
I coughed up my thoughts into my hands.
stared into the sky.
Let out a sigh,
and said “Damn”.
Still Waiting For Tommorrah
I’m waiting for you in a place you once knew.
Hidden away from the world but still connected to you.
Trying to out run my reality,
but I could never escape.
And now that you’re gone,
I see you in my dreams.
As if my heart were telling me "I’m wrong to do such a thing".
Because I’m still stuck on you.
I don’t know why, but I worry it’s true.
As if I’m waiting for those 5 special words to leave your lips.
Float through my mind and land on my heart without a hitch.
But I know they’ll never come.
And not just because our bond is done.
But because they are words for the desires of a heartbroken man.
Such a selfish wish would never stand.
But on the off chance that they do.
Just know that I still wait for you.
Hidden deep within the remnants of our memories.
Meet me there when you wish to speak..
Price of the Heart.
I sold you a memory.
The price of it is the end of me.
But at least then you’d remember me.
Thinking back to the days you befriended me.
And even though I was crushing,
you didn’t concede to me.
When our first interaction was to borrow a cd.
Sade to be exact.
I’ll never forget that fact.
Memories of the minutes leading to the first kiss.
When we were on my couch talking about “Hitch”.
The day you first sent me an I…Love…You..
And how you couldn’t say it,
so you sent a tweet on thru.
These are the things I would sell to you.
Because they are just taking up space in my heart.
And its time for something new.
So I’m selling them to you.
At a reasonable price too.
The price begin the making of me.
My essence you took when you left from me.
Fleeting like a summer breeze.
Sweet and warm and quickly gone..
But back to my offer.
Would you by my memories from me by tomorrah??
I’ll toss in a bonus dollar.
Good God..I'm so glad I decided to check tumblr because you're most recent work just really spoke to me. Like for real, straight up it hit my heart haha. Great job, keep up the amazing work! :)
I am flattered beyond belief right now. Waking up to this message made my day a little brighter. Knowing something I wrote connected with someone else is an amazing feeling. So thank you for this message! (^_^)
I had a chance to talk to myself of the past.
The younger me, ya know before I skipped class.
Back when there was innocence in my eyes.
And no heart ache or pain in my sighs.
I warned myself that life gets hard.
That in the end all there is to life is work or starve.
That loneliness becomes a second friend to me.
And that they’ll be no tears for my eyes to see.
That every minute, hour, and second.
Would be spent worried about things I have no luck with.
How things like love, and money would soon come to rule our world.
And even though we try, we’ll still never find our pearl.
And as I looked at myself, with tears in my eyes.
Past me simply looks up and ask’s “Why?”
Why do you fear something so exciting?
Not knowing which road we’re taking but still driving.
Seems to me like it couldn’t be too bad.
Especially since you still have the strength to laugh.
So yea the nights may get lonely.
And your in short supply of homies.
But one day it’ll all make sense.
So hold out a little longer,
until your blessed with that gift.
Time holds secrets.
And one day you’ll understand why it has to keep it.
So I chuckled and laughed at myself.
As the kid in me melted away all my stress.
And with a smile,
I turned to my future self and asked “Whats next?”
She’s the sweetest poison to ever kiss my lips.
I’d stop at a sip,
but I’m dying of thirst.
And it’s the worst,
because I can feel my light fade.
It only took a day.
24 hours, for my love to say.
I missed you.
Thought I buried these feelings.
But somehow she unearthed them.
Injected me with a happy death.
Stood back and watched me while I wept,
tears from a tainted heart.
For it is for her do I willingly accept this fate.
Because no one has been as important as she, till this date.
you have such a dope blog!!
I appreciate it anon!! You make me feel like my writing is half-way decent.lol